9 Signs It's Time for Couples Therapy

By the time most partners realize it's time for couples therapy, they're already dealing with a crisis situation. Just as it’s easier to prevent diseases such as diabetes than to treat or reverse them, so it is easier to prevent a crisis in your relationship than to fix one.

The benefits of couples therapy extend beyond the relationship. By communicating your needs and listening, all of your relationships improve, including those with co-workers, other family members, and friends. Research shows that good, long-term relationships preserve your cognitive abilities, too. 

Maggie Vaughan, MFT, PhD, and our team at Happy Apple in New York City recommend therapy for couples at every stage of their relationship. To build, repair, or maintain long-term relationships, we offer couples therapy both in person at our Columbus Circle office and online through a HIPAA-secure private portal. 

Could you and your partner benefit from couples therapy? Following are nine signs that it’s time to try.

1. You’re just starting out

If you’re at the beginning of a relationship that you’d like to continue for the long term, that’s a great time to start couples therapy. By learning how to actively listen without judgment and to respond without blame, you can save yourself the friction that might otherwise begin to fray your new love.

2. You’re in for a major change

Any major life change brings stress, even the wanted changes. You may consider couples therapy when you’re facing a major life stressor, such as:

• Getting married
• Having a baby
• Moving
• Changing careers
• Death of a loved one
• Dealing with aging parents

By communicating clearly, you can set boundaries and build in supports that help you navigate the shifts in life.

3. You’ve stopped having sex

Just as money is never about money, sex usually isn’t about sex, either. If you’ve stopped having sex and you’re not connecting in an intimate way, all aspects of your life can suffer.

Although it’s normal to go through periods when one partner desires sex more than the other, it’s important to keep the channels of communication open. Your therapist holds a safe space for each of you to talk about your needs, desires, and frustrations without blame.

4. You keep arguing

Arguing rarely, if ever, solves a disagreement. If you feel that you’re in the right and your partner is wrong, you may never get past the stage of blaming them for your own frustrations. In couples therapy, you learn to address areas of disagreement without taking them personally. 

5. You’ve experienced infidelity

If your relationship was supposed to be monogamous, but one partner (or both) strayed, it can be a long journey back to trust. In couples therapy, you address the infidelity itself, as well as learn to identify the underlying issues that may have led to the infidelity.

6. You have conflicting worldviews

These days, it’s not uncommon for family members to find themselves on the opposite side of the political spectrum. As with all disagreements, it’s important to learn to listen without judgment and to express your opinion without blame.

7. You’re dealing with trauma

Trauma can resurface years or decades after you first experienced it. If you or your partner were sexually, physically, or emotionally abused — either as a child or an adult — or underwent extreme shock or trauma, the repercussions can shake the foundations of your relationship.

Couples therapy can help you learn to support your partner as they deal with trauma, or help them learn to support you. You may also benefit from individual counseling, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to move past traumatic memories.

8. One or both of you abuse substances

Abusing alcohol or recreational drugs may cause rifts in your relationship. Substance abuse can put all of your relationships at risk — both personal and professional — and your finances, too.

In couples therapy, you can safely and openly discuss how substance use affects you both. You or your partner also could benefit from individual therapy and medications that help manage withdrawal symptoms.

9. You’re having financial difficulties

If you find yourself struggling to stay on budget, or if you’ve had a major financial hit such as a job loss or housing loss, you may be tempted to blame your partner. Problems with finances may stem from past trauma as well as undetected mental health issues. 

Using emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, our counselors help you and your partner develop secure attachments and better communication. Couples therapy helps you learn to resolve issues and increases intimacy and trust.

To strengthen your relationship, call Happy Apple or book an appointment online for couples therapy today.