When you make a lifelong commitment to an intimate partner, you may wonder how you can keep your love fresh and communication lines open as you navigate your future together. Even the most loving couples have disagreements and challenges.
A successful marriage requires strong personal boundaries, a deep connection to your partner, and high-level communication skills so you can both deal with conflict productively. But every so often, your partner says or does something that triggers you emotionally.
How do you deal with the realities of living with another person while keeping your romance alive? Couples therapy at Happy Apple in New York City helps the two of you build the skills you need to be happy and productive as independent individuals and as a couple.
What are the benefits of marital therapy for new or long-term couples? Following are the top ways counseling helps you have a healthier marriage.
Conflict and challenges are a part of daily life. However, conflicts tend to trigger people’s worst instincts. Simply encountering a point of view that opposes your own may trigger a fight-or-flight response.
While these strategies have their place when facing down an actual, physical threat, neither is productive when it comes to relationships. Fighting can escalate the conflict. Fleeing or avoiding conflict nearly guarantees it will continue to fester.
With couples therapy, you learn evidence-based techniques — such as emotionally focused therapy (EFT), internal family systems (IFS), and the Gottman method — that help you face conflicts with curiosity about the other person’s point of view. You learn to listen without judgment and respond without blame or anger.
Together, you learn how to resolve marital conflicts in a way that respects both of your boundaries. And you can apply these skills to all of your relationships, including work and friendships.
The second most common cause of divorce is infidelity. You or your partner may have had a sexual affair or may be involved in an emotional affair. All types of unfaithfulness can trigger feelings of unworthiness, shame, and anger.
Or you may be afraid to admit your own involvement with somebody outside of your marriage for fear of what it would do to your spouse. In couples therapy, your therapist holds a safe space for you to speak openly and honestly with one another.
You or your partner may also be holding on to secrets from the past, such as physical or sexual abuse that you suffered as a child or in another relationship. Sharing these parts of your past helps you connect on a deeper level with your partner.
Whatever issue you’ve been avoiding, whatever secret you've been keeping, your counselor helps you bring it into the light so you and your spouse can begin to confront and heal the hurt. You learn that many of the issues you’re experiencing may be a way of unconsciously dealing with past trauma or betrayals.
Your counseling sessions give you the opportunity to be emotionally open and vulnerable while staying safe, too. Your counselor helps you and your partner develop respect for each other’s unique experiences and points of view.
The experience of working together to enrich your relationship enhances your intimacy, too. You may find yourself connecting in a deeper, more fulfilling way both in bed and out of bed.
All of the skills and techniques you learn in marital therapy can serve you throughout your life together. If you hit another snag in your relationship, you can always return to have a safe space in which to deal with its repercussions.
Couples therapy can truly help you increase the health and depth of your marriage. Contact Happy Apple today by calling our Columbus Circle office or booking an appointment online.